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Smile…

February 22, 2010

No matter what, I will keep smiling..

Smile tho’ your heart is aching,
Smile Even though it’s breaking,
When there are clouds in the sky- You’ll get by,
If you Smile through your fear and sorrow,
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through- For you.

Light up your face with gladness,
Hide ev’ry trace of sadness,
Altho’ a tear may be ever so near,
That’s the time (thats the time) you must keep on trying,
Smile- What’s the use of crying,
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile,
If you just smile.

Ohhh Oooh Yeah

That’s the time (thats the time) you must keep on trying,
Smile- What’s the use of crying,
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile,
If you just smile.

Smile tho’ your heart is aching,
Smile Even though it’s breaking,
When there are clouds in the sky- You’ll get by,

That’s the time (thats the time) you must keep on trying,
Smile- What’s the use of crying,
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile,
If you just
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile,
If you just smile.

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Can I Ask You A Question?

February 22, 2010

It’s getting harder and harder for me every single day not to pick up the phone and call you.. I wonder how you’re doing, if there’s anything new with you, and if you’re already with her or if you miss me or love me still..

I’ve come to terms with our split but it’s really not easy for me to forgo what could be everlasting friendship if we can never be anything more after the events that have occurred. You have no idea how strong I have to be just to keep you safe and sound..

If I had a chance to ask you just one question out of the many that arise every single day in my mind I would choose to ask you this:

“Is it easy for you to go through every single day without hearing my voice?”

God knows I miss you despite everything you did that broke my heart.. I’m angered at the fact that you let her come between us once more like every promise you made to the person you supposedly loved is unimportant.. I will never understand why you’d tell her that you were glad to have met her despite everything.. Does that mean you wanted to be with her but I was in the way?

There’s so many things I want to ask you but you’ll say you don’t know. I guess it’s just the same as me not talking to you. But I wish things could be different all the same. I wish you would tell me the truth because that’s all I need to hear. If there is or was something going on between you and her, I wish you wouldn’t keep it from me because I need to move on and it will be easier knowing you’re in love with someone else.

No matter what, I hope you are happier without me. I guess I wasn’t good or important enough to you to stop cheating on me. I’m sorry I made you love me less. I’m sorry I trusted you again after all that had happened. I’m sorry I loved you for everything you were. I’m even sorrier that I still want us to be together after everything you’ve done to me.

It really would be easier for me if you tell me you’ve moved on.. That would surely help.

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Give It A Try..

February 20, 2010

This is for the eyes of my FLY FM avid listener friend.. (I hope you read my blog often)..

I know this is a long shot, but maybe you should give it a try.. I wish you the best of luck should you decide to enter this contest and hope that you win it..

Just click on the picture..

P/S: I hope this doesn’t count as being in contact.. lols 😛

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Daytime Nightmares

February 20, 2010

Every morning I wake up and wonder why…

“Happy Valentine’s Day, my dear piglet. I’m glad I met you despite everything. I hope you make the right decision about going out today. Good night, my dear”…

That was a nightmare to me..

Why so loving if it didn’t mean anything? Why was it only her that he called “my dear”? What does her decision about going out with some guy on valentine’s have to do with him? Why should she bother even telling him about what she wants to do on Valentines? Was she trying to get him jealous? Did he lie about feeling nothing for her?

Then comes other questions..

Would he be with her today? Are they holding hands and showing each other affection? Is he flirting like crazy with her since I’m out of the picture? Is she sure she can handle a boy 4 years younger than her? Does she feel like she has won this game? Did he really love me when he said he did? Does he even think about me? Is he happy that I’m no longer a part of his life?

He doesn’t even bother asking anyone how I’m doing.. Then again, he never really cared. I hope she makes him happy. And I hope he made the right decision when he decided to hurt me for her.. With God’s grace, I hope I’ll heal soon as I know he has..

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God Gave Me Strength

February 19, 2010

I turned to religion in seek of help and God had answered by giving me strength to move forward and I am truly blessed with the love and support of my family and friends.

Every now and then I have flashbacks of what was, and mourn for what could have been if and only if.. Then I remember how much pain and hurt I am in and of all the broken promises..  Every curve on the emotional rollercoaster I was on which made my heart jump or drop was caused by him and by those around him.. And with that I know I’ve made the right decision..

I keep wondering if he’s doing what he did that tore us apart or worse now that he’s not “controlled”.. But who am I to say or do anything now? Why would I care if a stranger shows his feelings for another? I’m just glad I’m not being cheated on anymore.

Despite everything, I pray everyday that he will have a better life ahead of him and if he reads this, I just want to tell him I’m doing ok and that I do not hate him.. I just hope he won’t repeat the same mistakes he did with me should he find someone else.

God Bless.

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Broken Hearted

February 17, 2010

We broke up today.. Found out he flirted with that bitch doctor again.. Only this time, on Valentine’s day.. He told my cousin he never said he’d love me forever when he sent me a surprise bouquet of flowers delivered to my house with a card that said “I’ll love you forever”.. Though later according to him, he meant it differently.. Doesn’t matter.. he still did break his biggest promise to me..

I tried to pretend it didn’t happen tho.. Coz it would be hard to break up while I’m still in Peninsular.. I was waiting til this Sunday when I go back to Sabah. Unfortunately, my plan could not be realised due to unforseen reasons.. Now, we have severed all types of contact.. Until further notice..

I hope that he’ll be safe and well, and that he will find someone who would be more compatible with him. I love you Kelvin.. And I always will, come what may and against all odds.. I’m sorry we couldn’t pass this test what with your broken promises and with my need to be home and of course, distance.. Take care, my love.. I hope to see you again soon and on better terms..

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“Hate That I Love You..”

February 9, 2010

I have always believed that fate brought us together. Fate taught us how to love and compliment each other like the right pieces of a beautiful puzzle.. It wasn’t until the sea came between us that fate lost it’s way.. What we are now, does not come close to what we were then.. What great laughter we’ve shared have turned into a sea of tears.. What love we felt, is now just a distant memory..

We are lost..

Everyday I wonder if we should let go and cherish what memories we’ve created and move on with life.. But walking away isn’t an easy task to do because deep down, our love is still strong though it may be hidden deep and when I heard Rihanna and Ne-yo’s duet on radio yesterday, it was like singing my current situation on air..

I’m swimming in my tears directionless.. Should I stay? Should I go? Should I believe the fortune teller that the right one is yet to come? I wish I knew what to do..